Bruce

I first saw Bruce second semester of my freshman year at Trinity's library in Palos Heights, IL.  My roommate was friends with someone at his college and told her that he was transferring to our college after first semester.  She nudged me and said, "That's the guy my friend said is transferring here this semester.  She said she is sad to see him go."  I turned around and gave him a brief look before turning back to what I was looking for.  I didn't realize I had just set eyes on someone who would become one of my favorite people of all time. 

We officially met at an Intervarsity meeting a few weeks later.  My friend, Chris, and I were starting a seeker's Bible study, and the leaders wanted us to have core members who would commit to coming every week and support us.  Bruce and his friend, Jim, volunteered to come to our group.  We met once a week in East Hall's first floor lounge.  We were big on activities outside of the regular meeting night including movie nights, mini golf, and bowling. 

Bruce was smart, funny, intuitive, kind, and articulate.  He was honest and authentic with his thoughts and feelings.  He made everyone feel like they were his best friend.  Once he threw some firewood in the back of his truck and asked a bunch of us to go roast marshmellows in the forest preserve. He asked to roast my marshmellow for me, and I asked him not to burn it.  He roasted it perfectly.  He loved people, and he loved investing his life in middle school and high school students.    He knew how to encourage and wasn't afraid to mix with different circles of friends.  He was always looking for ways to help people.  He was really good at math.  He had messy handwriting.  His favorite color was orange.

My junior year at Trinity, we both served as Resident Assistants on campus.  I had the first floor of East Hall, and he had the first floor of South Hall.  He and another R.A. and good friend, Lou, kept me sane during our countless meetings and trainings with their crazy antics and great senses of humor.  We had to complete a grueling ropes course way up in the trees (I hate heights and being suspended from the tree with only a harness freaked me out!).   Everyone on staff (about 15 of us) stayed the weekend at a hotel for team building.  Most everyone hit the pool.  I opted for a hot bath in a clean tub until Bruce and Lou came banging on my door asking me to come and join everyone.  I reluctantly left my bath, but I really did enjoy the time with the other staff members.  Another time, they asked us to spend the weekend at a cabin on the lake.  It was an intense weekend with so many diverse personalities.  I do remember a lively game of charades that involved lots of laughter.  Bruce and I spent much of the evening chatting on the deck overlooking the water.   

My dear friend, Meg (click here to read about Meg), came to visit me for spring break one year, and I was excited to take her to church on Easter morning.  When we went to my car that morning, I discovered I had a flat tire!   Not many of my friends had cars or attended the same church, so I called Bruce, and he came right away to pick us up.  That was just like him to be so helpful without any hesitation.  One Christmas he gave me a sweet stuffed animal and a bag of lollipops to help with the 18 hour drive back to Virginia for the holidays.

I was involved in the PACE (Programmed Activities for Correctional Education) program all four years I was in college.  That meant I went to Cook County Jail and tutored inmates who were trying to get their G.E.D.'s.  That's right...I spent every Monday night in jail.  We piled into a 15 passenger van and drove down to the jail every week, and sometimes two or three times a week.  I drove, and that's how I learned to parallel park.  Yes.  You read that correctly. My first parallel parking experience post driver's education was in a 15 passenger van in Chicago.  That's how I roll.  But I digress.  I had asked Bruce and Lou to join me because I thought they would be naturals working with the students.  Their schedules finally opened up so they could come, and we were able to serve together.   I was right.  They were naturals.  And they made the 45 minute van ride to and from much more enjoyable. 

Bruce and I were in the same Political Science class.  The class was during spring semester when the weather started getting nice, and most of the baseball and soccer team was enrolled as well.  They sat in the back cracking jokes and cutting the mustard.  Our professor would get so frustrated with them and commented on how they turned in papers with poor grammar and loose content.  Bruce sat directly in front of me.  We both wanted to do well in class and formed a study group. He understood more about Poli Sci than I did, so I relied on him to help make things clearer.    
 

The summer before my senior year of college, Bruce called me while I was in Virginia and asked if I wanted to teach Sunday School with him at the church we both attended, Calvary Reformed, in Orland Park, IL.  I agreed, but I was nervous to do so because I preferred younger kids, and he wanted junior high.  We compromised and took the fifth grade class.  I still felt like that was too old, but it turned out great and prepared me to teach fifth grade after college---which I love!   Once we were having trouble finding a time to meet to go over our lesson, so he suggested I come to his house one Saturday morning and offered to make French toast.  Who can say no to that?  It was raining that morning, and I was running late by about 20 minutes.  I hate being late and almost called to cancel, but then decided not to.  He made the best French toast and served Caro syrup instead of regular syrup.  I'd never heard of doing that before, but it was good.  To this day, I can't help but think of him when I see French toast.  Our students adored Bruce. He respected them and showed sincere interest in each of their lives. Kids can always tell when you fake interest and when you are sincere.  They flocked to him.

Bruce was good about using visual aids to emphasize his points.  One of Bruce's lessons involved a coffee can, a Coke bottle, and some sand.  He took some sand and poured it over the Coke bottle.  Hardly any sand got in the opening because it was so narrow.  Then he poured it over the coffee can.  Almost all the sand ended up in the can because the opening was so large.  He said sometimes we are closed to God's will, and we aren't able to receive all the blessings He wants to give us because we force our own plans.  As a result we miss out on a lot of the opportunities God has for us.  He encouraged everyone to be more open like the coffee can so we can receive ALL that God has for us.  I loved that illustration and think about it still. 


Bruce loved to work with the youth at his church and went on to teach middle school math after college before going back to school to seminary.  He then became the beloved youth pastor at Lombard Bible Church.  He reminded them that life is not about us, but rather about God. 


A few years ago, Bruce and his brother, Mark, decided to go canoeing on the Fox River in Yorkville,  IL.   A kayaker was going out past the flags, and was headed towards a dangerous dam that was notorious for several fatalities.   Bruce and his brother selflessly waded out to try to stop the kayaker, and all three were sucked into the boil.  Sadly all three men perished.  Even in the final moments leading up to his death, Bruce portrayed a desire to help others.  Bruce had even spent the morning with his church renovating a local senior citizen's house.  He made every minute matter.

Bruce died over Memorial Day weekend.  It was a devastating blow.  I still have trouble wrapping my mind around it.  I was unable to attend the funeral because I was watching my sister's kids in Virginia while she and her husband were in St. Lucia celebrating their wedding anniversary.  A kind friend at Bruce's church sent me an audio of one of the memorial ceremonies, and I was in awe at the number of people who shared how Bruce had affected their lives and what a difference he made to each of them.  His youth group wore orange shirts with the words  It's not about me  printed on them. 

Grief is a funny thing.  It comes in waves.  Sometimes I can think about Bruce with a smile and be thankful that he had such a positive influence to everyone he knew.  Other times I am angry that his life ended so abruptly when he had so much more left to do.   This year his birthday fell on the same day as fifth grade graduation.  I was already emotional leading up to that day, and was pretty weepy throughout the day.  It surprises me that tears come easier now than they did initially.  Maybe that comes with age?    I can never predict when the memories will come and whether or not they will make me happy or tear my heart.  I can only imagine how his family must feel to have lost both men so tragically.


I'm not sure I grieved properly when I first heard about Bruce's death.  Is there a proper way to grieve?  The year Bruce died, I had a really rough class.  I felt like I had to keep it together so that I could maintain to the end of the year.  I felt like if I started to cry, I wouldn't be able to stop and that I might lose it at school.  Teachers do not have the luxury to break down in front of students or to step outside to get themselves together.   Sometimes it is easier to just keep it in rather than deal with painful emotions.  I just didn't talk about it.  That's probably not the healthiest way to handle grief.  I know that now.  I love hearing what others remember about my friend Bruce.


Although I would have liked to have had more time with Bruce here, I am grateful for the time I did know him, and that he is now with Jesus.  I know that many have made commitments to Jesus because of Bruce's death.   I am thankful for the lives he positively influenced, including my own.  One thing I know is how important it is to share what you think about a person while they are still here to hear it.  That's one of the reasons I started telling these stories.  I don't want to wait until the words fall on deaf ears.  I want people to know I appreciate them now. 

Don't keep it to yourself.  Write it down, or better yet, go find the person/people you love the most, and just say it out loud.